it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
