you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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