I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
