I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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