found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
