If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
