I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
