How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
