In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need water and some morals
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
