Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
