I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Still dying that you shit outside
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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