just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
