ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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