I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
