I cockslap morals
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am naked and annoyed.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
