just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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