If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
