i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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