don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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