i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
