If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
