Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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