It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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