The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
