It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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