it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
