I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
