dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
