this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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