I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
