spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
