I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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