The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
handjob tips. give me some.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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