so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
