the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
