i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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