wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think a kid would responsible me up
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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