I am in a vortex of obligation.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
