96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
