he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
