I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
