I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
