I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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