sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Pooping to opera.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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