I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
