I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
