i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
