I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
