It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
