Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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